The tall man stopped at the
kerbside out of breath. He waved out his
slim gangly arms calling out loud.
“Taxi”. He shouted.
After a few moments a black and
white cab, pulled up beside him.
He opened up the back passenger
door and sprang in. Sitting down was
uncomfortable. It wasn’t that he was too
fat. He was slim but his knees were
squashed up against the front passenger seat.
Bert was the taxi driver. Been one almost all his life. Forty five years young with a totally bald
shiny head. He groaned as his fat tummy
rested over the bottom of the steering wheel.
He too was uncomfortable. And
squashed.
Bert creaked his bull neck around
as much as he could to look at his next meal ticket. He saw a thin young man with a strange
angular long head and wavy brown hair.
The strangers dark, deep set eyes sparkled at him and the stranger
smiled wildly.
“This is the part where you ask
where I’m going right?” asked the stranger, looking at his watch.
He was clearly flustered and
needed to be somewhere in a hurry.
“Oh yeah.. I sorry guvnor. Where to?”
“Just drive down this road for
now. I’ll let you know soon where to
go. Thanks Bert”.
Bert was shocked. “How you know my name?”
“It says on your licence,”
replied the stranger pointing a bony finger to Bert’s license above the
dashboard. It was his taxi licence. Bert sometimes forgot it was there as no
passengers had used his name before. He
didn’t like customers being too familiar with him.
It was a Sunday in town so the
roads and pavements were fairly quiet.
Plus at five o’ clock most shops had long been shut.
Even so Bert drove slowly down
the road. He wasn’t sure if the stranger
would change their direction at any moment.
It also gave him the chance to give the stranger another look over
through his mirror. He was very odd
looking. For a young man his dress sense
was atrocious. No one wore tweed jackets
and bow ties anymore. Unless they were
geography teachers or fancy dress.
The stranger suddenly took what
looked like a torch out of an inside pocket of his tweed jacket. It buzzed and whirred and a green light shone
at the top. The stranger studied it closely.
“Nearly caught up.” He
muttered. He then looked up at Bert
staring at him in the mirror and smiled.
He leaned forward between the
driver and passenger seats. He stared at
the contents on the passenger side.
“Mmmm jelly babies. My favourites. May I?”
“Of course,” replied Bert.
The stranger reached over to a
paper bag on the passenger seat and took a few, popping one into his mouth.
“Now Bert,” he munched. “ Things
may get a bit weird but there’s nothing to worry about. I’m here to sort things out. I made a bit of a boo boo to be honest.”
“Here what you on about. Have you any money for this ride?”
Bert had had trouble before, customers jumping in and messing him about and
running off and not paying.
“Stop the car,” screamed the
stranger. “I’ll just be a minute. By the way I’m the Doctor.”
“Doctor Who?” asked Bert . But
the stranger had already stepped out of the taxi and made his way to a cash
point. Bert watched as the Doctor pulled
out the whirring green torch thing and pointed it at the ATM machine.
“He’s having a giraffe,” said
Bert out loud.
Suddenly the ATM machine spat out
lots of twenty pound notes as the Doctor pocketed a few and raced back to the
taxi.
“Go.” He shouted.
Bert set off but in the rear view
mirror he saw the cash machine spewing out even more money. Out of control it was.
“Is it Valentines day?” asked the
Doctor, again peaking between the front seats and looking at a card on the passenger seat next to the bag of jelly
babies.
“Er yes it is. It’s for my wife.” Replied Bert.
“Very nice. How long you been married Bert?”
“Bout 20 years Guv,”
“It’s Doctor. Is that all you’ve got her after 20 years?”
“All I could afford.”
“Well the old Doctor here can
help you out Bert,”
Bert slowed down the taxi as he
watched the Doctor on the back seat rifle through his tweed jacket’s inside
pocket. The Doctor suddenly pulled out a
large alarm clock.
“That’s not it, hold on got it,”
Next he pulled out a red
telescope and threw it onto the seat next to him.
“Nearly had it then,” he
exclaimed.
Bert had now stopped at a set of
traffic lights as the Doctor then pulled out a slightly dry but beautiful
bouquet of mixed colourful flowers.
“There you go Bert give the Mrs
these,”
“Ohh Guv . .. . I mean Doctor you
didn’t have to. Ere how did you have all
that in your small jacket pocket?”
“The pocket’s bigger on the
inside,” smiled the Doctor.
The green lit torch suddenly
whirred and flashed like crazy. It
opened up slightly. The Doctor studied
it intently and smiled.
“Found her.” He shouted
excitedly. “Next left Bert,”
Bert took the corner and the
Doctor pressed his face up against the window looking up to the rooftops.
“There she is,”
Bert looked out his window and
saw a strange shadow on the ground moving fast and leaping over the
buildings. He daren’t look up to the
rooftops.
“Next left,” shouted the Doctor.
As they rounded the corner the
sound of screaming hit their ears as people ran in all directions. Most were running from a large Off Licence
store.
A middle aged woman ran up to the
taxi screaming.
“Monster in the shop, let me
in. Let me in,” she yelled grabbing at
the door handle.
“Let me out, stay here Bert might
get messy,” the Doctor opened the door
and left the cab leaving the woman sat in the back puffing out of breath.
Bert watched the tall man walk
confidently to the store entrance, his green lit torch held out in front of him.
Curiosity got the better of Bert
and with a sigh and against the woman’s protests Bert nervously left his taxi
and slowly followed the Doctor into the store.
Behind the counter a small Asian
woman cowered in a corner muttering, eyes wide open. The Doctor was out of sight. Bert walked round a couple of aisles until he
suddenly spotted the gangly Doctor stood on a freezer unit waving a string of
sausages around.
Bert thought the Doctor looked
very funny and chuckled until his eye caught a small movement to the left of the Doctor. At first it looked like a large lizard but
as it’s big green eyes gazed from the sausages to Bert it made him freeze in
terror.
There stood in the aisles was a velociraptor. Stretching its muscular hind legs to get a
better look at Bert over a chest freezer.
It s front arms outstretched clicking big sharp claws on the glass. It looked beautiful. It had small feathers over light green skin which
shone under the shops lights.
It started moving towards
Bert. He was rooted to the spot with
fear. His insignificant forty five years
of life flashed before his eyes. He was
going to die.
“Hoy over here. Look got you some lovely sausages,” shouted
the Doctor banging a string of sausages
in the freezer top.
The dinosaur turned and trotted
towards the Doctor. He threw the
sausages a couple of feet in front of him and it ate the lot. It was extremely hungry.
“Must have been lost in the Tard... oops, too many spoilers. We need to get her to follow us. Grab some meat from that fridge behind you
Bert,”
“Is it a baby dinosaur?” asked
Bert.
“No fully grown,” replied the Doctor
edging his way past the munching dinosaur.
Bert was puzzled, the velociraptor was no bigger than two foot
high. The Doctor had noticed his puzzled
look as Bert stared at the beast.
“The films always make them look
bigger otherwise no one would be scared when they watch Jurassic Park. Don’t be fooled, those claws and teeth could
still do a lot of damage. Now quickly
Bert follow me.”
The Doctor had now passed the
prehistoric beast and started fast towards the door. It looked up and around first staring at the
Doctor with green lizard slanted eyes
then turned towards Bert. It stalked
slowly towards him.
“Run Bert.”
Bert sprinted out behind the thin
gangly Doctor although sprint wasn’t the word for it as after a few feet he was
sweating and panting. He was desperately
out of shape but out the corner of his eye he saw the velociraptor coming fast
behind him. Bert dropped one of the
burgers he had scooped up from the fridges moments earlier and made his way out
of the shop exit behind the Doctor.
Luckily the dinosaur had stopped to sniff and snack the burgers but only
ate one. Spitting the rest out in
disgust.
The Doctor was fast. He had already got over the road outside and
was now dashing down an alleyway. His green
lit instrument held high in his hands.
Bert struggled to follow but the site of the velociraptor sprinting out
of the shop behind him made him push himself.
He could hear his heart pounding fast in his chest and he ached all
over. Up ahead in the alley the Doctor
had stopped dead, his hand and green torch held high above him. Bert sprinted up to him as the velociraptor
closed in on him.
As Bert reached the Doctor some
strange things began to happen. Firstly
a weird screeching sound came from no where, getting louder and louder. Bert thought it would be the sound a robotic
elephant would make if constipated on the toilet.
Then a huge room started to fade
into view around them and the velociraptor in time with the noise slowly
getting denser and denser until it was totally whole and real around them. Even the velociraptor stopped dead in its
tracks to look around.
“Welcome to the Tardis,” smiled
the Doctor and waved his hand around.
Bert stared at his new, sudden
location. Just beside himself and the
Doctor was a big round console with screens and buttons. The console was above a glass floor. Out of the console were two big blue lights
which went up and down in time with the screeching noise.
The room was yellow with a big blue door one end which Bert realised
must be the exit and an open corridor to the other side.
The open corridor was where Bert
dashed to when he saw the velociraptor jump onto the console and lunge at the Doctor with its huge claws
out just missing his throat. The Doctor
rolled over his console and down the other side flipping switches as he did
so. The blue lights above the console
moved faster.
The velociraptor stalked up the
console slowly to the Doctor its head to the side watching his next move. It had him trapped, with one pounce it would
be upon him.
“Sorry old girl!” the Doctor said
aloud and pointed his green torch at the console. After a couple of seconds the console blew up
just in front of the velociraptor which knocked it out onto the floor,
dazed. The console went dead and the room
dark.
This freaked Bert out too much
and he ran for the blue door.
“Wait Bert!” called the Doctor,
“It may be dangerous out there.”
But it was too late and Bert had
left the Tardis. The Doctor swiftly
followed Bert out.
“Why does no one listen to me till
it’s too late?” the Doctor mumbled to himself as he followed Bert out of the
Tardis. What he saw startled him. Instead of being in a hot dense prehistoric
jungle, he stepped out into a long metal corridor. Here he found Bert stood looking out the right
side of the corridor which was sheer glass.
“Wow.” whispered Bert as he
stared over a an icy mountain range. Two
bright moons hung low in the night sky.
“Impressive eh?” asked the
Doctor.
“Who are you? How did we get
here?”
“I told you. I’m the Doctor and
we arrived here in my ship. She’s a
beauty ain’t she?” replied the Doctor pointing out to the Tardis.
“Although I’m not sure how much
damage I’ve caused,” the Doctor continued as he walked back into the blue old
fashioned police box Bert was staring at, totally in awe and shock. A puzzled look crossed his face. In front of him stood a small police box, yet
he had just ran out of a huge room. Bert
walked back to the opened door of the Tardis and peered in at the huge yellow
interior with the rounded console sat in the middle.
“Just like my jacket pocket eh,”
the Doctor shouted enthusiastically at him from the control panel. He was madly flicking switches and kicking
the console.
“Nearly there.” He added. The Doctor then looked up at Bert’s confused
face and strode over to him.
“I, I can’t believe it!” started
Bert as he started walking around the Tardis knocking on the side.
It had all been too much for
Bert. First the dinosaur then the weird
space ship.
“Nothing to worry about Bert old
chum, I’ll fix the Tardis and have you back home to the wife in no time. Especially on Valentines day. You’ve missed most of it already with working
it.”
“How is this possible?” asked
Bert in wonderment still tapping the wooden exterior of the Tardis.
“It’s my Tardis – Time and
Relative Dimensions in Space – a ship of the Time Lords. Well Time Lord.”
“And that torch thing you’ve been
waving about?”
“This?” the Doctor pulled out the
green torch gizmo, “is my Sonic screwdriver.
Very useful, very useful indeed.”
Bert felt the Tardis as he walked
around the side and back of the blue wooden box. The Doctor followed him around, a big grin on
his face. He clearly liked showing it
off. As they rounded the Tardis back to
the doors Bert stopped suddenly. The
Doctor looked up at what Bert was staring at.
“Friends of yours Doctor?” asked
Bert, his voice trembling.
“Not friends of mine, more like
old enemies. Very old enemies!”
There a few feet in front of the
Doctor and Bert was a half robot, half human figure stood looking at them
through black holes on a silver face. It
looked emotionless with a small black hole for the mouth and had tubes coming
out of the side of its head connecting to what looked like a round light. Although the figure was silver in appearance
not all of it was metallic. There was a
thin silver fabric covering the face, arms, neck and chest. Below the chest there was a crude silver
control box with buttons attached and flashing lights.
“Quick inside the Tardis!”
whispered the Doctor. As he said this
the sound of a marching metallic army rang in their ears and over a dozen
metallic monstrosities rounded a corner at the far end of the corridor. All blank faces like the one in front of
them.
Bert was shaking with fear. He had only ever seen anything like this on
the television but now confronted with these cold, emotionless beings it was
like a living nightmare. Suddenly he saw
out of the corner of his eye, the Doctors slim gangly body dash backwards into
the Tardis. Bert turned to follow and
rush into the Tardis also, but was grabbed by his jumper.
“Halt!” cried out a sharp, piercing metallic voice.
But Bert had managed to get into
the Tardis with the creature with him.
“Great, you’ve brought the
Cyberman with you through the Tardis defences!” cried out the Doctor now at the
other side of the console flicking switches and using his sonic screwdriver
also.
Bert scrambled out of the Cybermans grip as it
stood confused looking around the Tardis in wonderment. Computing the situation. Outside the army of the Cybermen quickened
their pace and moved towards the door.
Bert was now round the opposite
side of the console next to the Doctor when he noticed the velociraptor shaking
its head to and fro coming round. It
curled its head around towards the Cyberman who had now noticed the prehistoric
beast. It was too late. Before the Cyberman could do anything the
velociraptor had leapt of the console, its claws out and ripped through the
thin metal fabric on the neck.
Thick dark blood poured out over
the silver and over the control panel below the chest as the Cyberman let out a
gargled metallic screech which hurt Berts ears.
The velociraptor continued to rip and tear at the Cyberman until it stopped kicking and was dead.
Outside the Tardis the army of
Cybermen were mere feet away and had speeded up to help their fallen
comrade. The Doctor spotted this and
pointed his sonic screwdriver at the door.
With a quick whir and buzz it slammed the doors shut.
“Got to be quick and get the
little fellow back to his time before he finishes his cyber snack. It’s a good job it’s a very early version of
the Cybermen. More organic you see,”
beamed the Doctor.
“More to snack on I guess,”
mumbled the Doctor as he flipped switches and pushed buttons and pointed his
sonic screwdriver at the console. Within
a few minutes the two console lights were moving up and down in time with the screeching,
grinding sound. A few minutes more they
came to a stop and the Doctor ran over to the doors and opened them as the
velociraptor finished its snack.
“Here boy!” he shouted over and
the velociraptor trotted over and out into the jungle beyond.
“Right best get you home
Bert. Your wife will be waiting
especially today on Valentine Day.”
Bert nodded his head. The events of the last couple of hours had
frazzled his mind. Part of him wondered
if he was in fact dreaming.
The Doctor fired up the Tardis
once more and within moments was opening its doors again to let Bert out.
“Well Bert hope you enjoyed the
ride?” smiled the Doctor his eyes twinkling away.
“Erm yeah but what about the . ..
.” Bert pointed at the bloodied body of the Cyberman.
“He’s not going anywhere,” laughed
the Doctor. “Oh here’s your fare.” The Doctor reached into his pocket and pulled
out forty pounds.
“No you keep it Doctor. You’ve given me the ride of my life!”
With that Bert walked out into
the alleyway and towards his taxi as the Tardis faded away behind him. The woman who had got in the back of his taxi
had gone leaving his the rear door open.
When he got in the taxi Bert looked at his clock. Only five minutes had gone by although it had
seemed he had been longer.
Bert stared at the bouquet of
flowers on the passenger seat and smiled.
He looked up as two women walked past chatting.
One of the women, a tall old
woman talked loudly as she got to Bert’s door.
“I bet it was an internet stunt
in that shop. Someone looked to have let
a chicken loose. Although its laid some
funny looking eggs!”
At this Bert’s face went
white. He rolled down his window and
looked up at the sky.
“DOCTOR.......” he shouted.
End ?
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