Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Family Funeral

Hi yet again - 3rd time lucky!
Here is what I wrote for the Dialogue challenge my fellow CWG pal Dawn gave us.
There isn't suppose to be narrative and about 500 words - mine a little short - oops - but good practice nontheless as one of my weak spots - enjoy x

“You’ve a nerve showing up here!”
“Look I don’t want any trouble.  Besides she was my Nana too,”
“Yes but you haven’t seen her or any of the family for the last 6 years.  You ran off with that drug dealer.   I bet your high now?”
“No I’m not actually.  I’ve managed to sort my life out.  I kicked that drug dealer out, been to therapy and now got a job.  And I didn’t need your help big sis, or your support.”
“Then why are you here making everyone feel uneasy?  The family know that you are the black sheep.  You pinched from enough of them to feed your disgusting habits,”
“Because like I said she was my Nana too and I loved her lots.  I will miss her too.  Have many happy memories of her and I regret these last few years  but what I did is now in the past.  Besides no one here is perfect.  I covered for you enough times and your affairs.”
“You cheeky ......”
“And how is Derek?  Still oblivious?  Now if you don’t mind I have to pay my last respects to my Nana then will be gone.  Goodbye!”

CWG Meet 23/7/12

Well it's that time again whereby it was another Cleckheaton Writers Group (CWG) meeting - and a very successful one too - we welcomed Pauline - our newest member. 
She is into the same type of reading and writing as ourselves and currently writing a crime novel.  She also attends the Birstall Writers Group (greedy chops).
Pauline as well as Karen and Dawn shared their dialogue challenge writings - very good they were too and to be honest I not fantastic on dialogue - so was glad of the challenge - although I am a tight arse so instead of printing it out on paper using up my ink I will be featureing it next on the blog.

Daniel couldn't attend and missed out on the biccys I brought in (and took home and scoffed).  He also missed some What's On booklets Karen passed out to us.
We also discussed what we are currently writing on at the moment.
I hope to continue with my dimension hopping novel very soon, although my mate Phil has challenged me again to write a short story - the last one was write a story about a local guy in local pub but been dead 2 weeks - of which I came up with zombie comedy Dead Drunk.
Although think will write a story next with a female protagonist as Karen and Dawn pointed out I haven't written anything with a main female character and I liked the challenge - so in the meeting itself as I listened I came up with the image of a woman chained to a radiator in a cellar - my sick twisted mind eh folks?
So will be writing that this week and weekend - short story called Chained! 
I had some fantastic ideas on the hour and twenty minute walk home in the beautiful sun and countryside - my mind was alive (for once.)

Anyway next blog in couple of mins and it the dialogue challenge.  There has to be no narrative just dialogue.

Neil x

Volunteer Day

Hi Peeps

How you all?  Hope you've been enjoying reading and writing at something - ha ha
Yet again haven't been on as much as would have liked but here I am now.

And what an interesting couple of weeks!

First up went to a house near Todmorden with my work to help out with the worst parts of the recent flooding they have been having.
Myself and some colleagues visited some poor blokes house which had been completly gutted.  The flood water had even washed away the support wall in the basement and we spent the best part of the day clearing out the possessions in the cellar and washing away mud left behind - it was a good experience and worthwhile helping people in these types of bad circumstance - hard work but made a big difference.

Best bit is Look North came to film us and I ended up on the tele last Weds 18th July - so had my 2 mins (or seconds of fame)
Tried loading a pic of me from the tele but no joy - was in a protective mask and gown - looked like a bad version of Bain from Batman - ha

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Amazing Spiderman

Hey Peeps

Haven't written anything as yet and got a Writers Group Challenge to do by next meeting 23rd July - eek
I also haven't got back to my novel The Wormhole Effect - need to get on with that - it's a million dollar idea - publishers should beg to publish it - ha ha

Well last night went to see the re-boot of Spiderman - The Amazing Spiderman - and have to admit wasn't all that amazed by it. 
Don't get me wrong the storyline was alright - although we had seen it only 10 years ago in the Tobey Maguire/Sam Raimi movies but that was it - couldn't get the earlier Spidey trilogy out of my head.  I think this was because it hasn't been more than 5 years since Spiderman 3 - it's still fresh in my mind - and probably my favourite Spiderman film so far.
The origin story to The Amazing Spiderman was very similar to the others - just a few tweaks here and there and was more focused on where his parents had gone - something I haven't seen before with the story.
As interesting as this was I just wanted Andrew Garfield who played Peter Parker to don the red and blue suit and to be fair he did play a very good Parker/Spidey - quite different to Tobey's.
By the end of the film I had warmed to him as the main guy - he seemed more vunerable - and got bashed about quite abit.
Ryhs Ifans was very good as the main villian of the piece as Kurt Connors/The Lizard - although his role with Parker was similar to the one in Spiderman 2 with Parker and Dr Octopus.

Overall then a good film but wasn't too amazing - bit slow to start but ended well although a longer fight with Spidey and Lizard would have been better across a few more skyscrapers - here's to the inevitable sequel - hinted at in the post credits - as this should be full steam ahead - 7/10

Also saw the trailer to The Dark Knight Rises - got a gut feeling by watching trailer Bain beats Batman and everyone finds out who he is as shows you Bruce Wayne in prison - who then goes on to kick Bains arse somehow - also ends up limping in trailer too -mmm
well hope aint done too many spoliers if any - see you next time folks

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Phillip Pullman Night

Hi Guys

Almost forgot to mention last Thursday 5th July 2012 myself and fellow CWG (Cleckheaton Writers Group), Dawn travelled all the way to Manchester University to see a talk by Phillip Pullman - the Young Adult Author most famous for His Dark Materials Trilogy. 
A film of the first book was made into The Golden Compass but wasn't well received by fans and critics.

My impression of Phillip was a good one.  He was clever, witty with a very dry sense of humour and kept the crowd captivated by his answers to questions and his stories.
I don't know why but was surprised to see so many children in the audience.

I also have to admit that although I have heard of Phillip and some of his novels I haven't read any - but will soon rectify that in coming months.

Some of the things we learnt about Phillip were:
He works in a garden shed.  Is from Oxford.
Some of his literary touchstones which he grew up with are Superman/Batman comics.  The books Swallows and Amazons and The Moomins - also Noddy and Rudyard Kipling.

The first thing he wrote for children was a play when he was a teacher at 28 for his pupils to perform.
When he writes he has in mind an adult audience but is happy as long as its a big audience.  He writes storys that he would want to read  and so when writing doesn't think of the readers.

Phillip was 24 when he had his first book published but admits wasn't very good.

He is currently writing a sequel to His Dark Materials Trilogy at the moment titled The Book of Dust and Lyra is older in the book.  He is currently writing at a steady 3 pages a day.

He wants to write an old fashioned action film with no CGI or shaky cameras and has written a script to a comic story he has written called John Blake.
Phillips motivation for writing includes money - lol, to make a living, a sense of habit as he has been writing 40 years and the personal joy he gets of writing his own storys and characters.

Well hope you enjoyed some info on Phillip and the talk - myself and Dawn did although we were very lucky with the trains - we only got there just in time!!  We also only just got the right train back - was very lucky - ha ha.

Till next time peeps - and don't forget to enjoy my own stories below - the newest a zombie romp called Dead Drunk!

Sunday, 8 July 2012

Dead Drunk

Hi Folks

Hope you are all well - haven't been on for a while but have now finished the short story that my mate Phil Henry challenged me to about a month ago:
The challenge - write a short story around the following:
"A local guy is in his local pub but he has died a few weeks earlier - how is he there."
So hope you enjoy my story Dead Drunk:

Phil swayed back and forth at the bar.  His eyes were heavy and almost shut.  This was for a number of reasons.  Firstly he was blind drunk.  Almost literally.  Secondly he was extremely tired.  He hadn’t slept well for two weeks.  The reason for this was the third reason.  He was upset.
“I can’t believe Martin is dead,” he said loudly to his friend Neil.
“And I can’t believe Leeds have been relegated to the fourth division,” he continued.
Neil smiled down at his short friend.  He was good company and Neil liked how he always had his blond quiff and leather jacket.  He reminded him of Doctor Who when it came back with Christopher Eccleston.  Phil was short in stature but big in heart.  He knew he had to get him home soon.  Phil was steaming.

“Who would have thought  a squirrel bite would be so bad for someone.  And he died so suddenly with it too.  And you should believe it cos Leeds are shit,” laughed Neil.
Phil looked up as Neil’s muscular arm reached round him.  In a way Phil envied him.  He was quite tall and toned and always had the ladies after him.  His dark brown eyes looked back at him.  The bastard he thought.
“Better get you home soon Phil it’s quiet in here tonight and your steaming again!”
Phil decided to ignore his friend and called the bar woman over who was painting her nails.
He ordered two more drinks for them both.  He wasn’t bothered how much it would cost as he had won three hundred pounds on a scratch card a few days ago.
He picked up his drink and supped a quarter of his pint before burping and raising his glass.
“Here’s to Martin.”
“Here Here,” Neil agreed and took a swig as he searched the pub for any fit women he could chat up.  Sadly it was too quiet in The George and Bull pub. 
Neil scanned the pub which for a town pub was clean and nicely decorated and it was also light.  He was glad of this as he hated sitting in dingy dark pubs.  He couldn’t see the ladies for one thing.  Alas there was hardly anyone in.  Two old couples sat on sofa’s around the corner chatting.  A couple of workmen stood at the other end of the bar in hard work boots with clothes covered in plaster and paint.  They were quite drunk also and had trouble making their roll ups.  Tobacco scattered across the bar and onto the floor.

He also noticed two middle aged women sat chatting at a table nearby.  One was very skinny with long blond hair, the other bigger built covered in tattoos.   Normally Neil would have been over chatting them up but he knew they were more into each other than men.  Shame he thought because every holes a goal.

Whilst he was trying to look down the top of the butch woman he failed to notice Phil had downed his pint and had ordered two Jack Daniels and coke.
“Here pal,” her slurred to Neil.
Neil was concerned now.  He hadn’t seen Phil drink as much or as fast since the time they had sneaked into a private birthday party where it was a free bar.  They had to drink and eat as much before they were discovered to be gate crashers.  It had been a good run.  Nearly two hours until the birthday boy, a spotty twenty one year old, went over to them to ask who they were and had the bouncers kick them out of the pub.  But the damage had been done with the two of them and Martin drinking shot after shot and eating all the chicken wings and sausages on sticks.
Phil even ate a big piece of the birthday cake without it being lit for the birthday boy.  Martin had been sick in a bin next to the food.  And Neil reminisced how he had got the birthday boys sister to give him her number.  Good times he thought.  But he missed Martin as much as Phil.

“Off for a piss,” slurred Phil as he bumped into Neil and stumbled into the table with the two lesbians chatting, knocking a half of bitter over the table.
Phil steadied himself on the corner as the butch woman gave him a mucky look and was about to shout at him.
“Sorry gents,” he apologised and made his way around the corner to the toilet.  He slammed into the cubicle which already had sick in the corner from earlier on in the day,  and stood peeing with his head resting on the cistern.  He was dozing off to sleep.

After five minutes loud banging on the cubicle brought him round.  Drool dripping from his chin, wee down the right of his leg.
“Piss off you gay bastard,” Phil shouted out , his eyes barely open.
“Phil.  Phil.  Get out here quick it’s Martin,” shouted Neil.  His voice full of panic and fright.
“Yeah he’s dead,” slurred Phil in return almost inaudibly and zipped himself up.
He eventually got the latch open on the toilet cubicle and almost fell out onto Neil.  Using his hand to lean on Neil’s muscular toned shoulder.
Neil walked Phil out of the toilet and pointed towards the bar.  His finger  shaking in fright.
“Look,” he exclaimed.

There at the bar was Martin, walking and banging into it like he didn’t realise it was there.  The suit he had been buried in was dirty and decomposing.  His skin was pale white, with a green tinge to it and the smell of rotting flesh hit right back to the toilets.
Most of the people in the bar were staring at him in horror and fright.  Except the workmen at the end of the bar who had just finished rolling up two monster spliffs, ready to go smoke them out the back in the smokers yard.
Phil wasn’t frightened either.  Through very blurred vision all he could see was his old pal Martin stood at the bar.  He didn’t realise the implications of this.
“Martin,” he shouted over to his very dead friend.  He turned to Neil who was looking pale and nervous.  “He must have been in a coma pal, at last some good news,”
With that he wobbled over to his mate at the bar and put his arms around him and gave him a hug.
“Martin your ok,” he slurred, “Am I glad to see you.  Have you heard about Leeds?  What an injustice.”
Phil didn’t notice that Martins eyes were rolled back in the sockets of that maggots had created a hole into the left side of his high cheek bones and could be seen on the edges of the flesh wriggling about.
“Three pints please,” Phil shouted out at the barmaid who was now backed up in the furthest corner of the bar away from them shaking.
She nodded and warily walked over to them.  The sound of the glasses clanging together echoed through the pub as she shook nervously trying to pull the lads some pints with her long neatly painted red nails.

By the time she had finished the third pint Neil had moved to the other side of Phil who had picked his pint up and started drinking it.
“Phil, you should move away from him,” warned Neil.
Phil ignored him, drinking his pint and watching his mate Martin who was staring at the pint then at Phil.
Martin moved closer to Phil sniffing at him.
“Phoood,” Martin groaned.
“Of course,” said Phil “You’ll be starving, a bag of dry roasted nuts please,” he asked the frightened barmaid.
She tore down some nuts and threw them onto the bar and moved back to the relative safety of her corner.  Silence hung in the air a few moments.

The silence was suddenly broken by the main door loudly banging open and a small chubby black haired lass stumbled in followed by her tall lanky boyfriend who looked fed up.
“And I said to your Mam,” she moaned to the poor sap behind her, then stopped dead as she saw Martin at the bar.
“Oh fuck. Didn’t think things could get worse.  It’s Martins ex,” Neil said to Phil who was oblivious to all as he was swaying wildly on the spot.
Phil suddenly fell backwards.  Luckily Neil was there to catch him before his head hit the floor.  He was totally out of it.  Unconscious through the amount of alcohol he had consumed.
Neil got his mobile and rang the local taxi firm to pick him and Phil up as Martin’s ex stormed up to Martin and shouted abuse at him.
“You sick bastard,” she started at him, “You’ve played one sick trick too many pretending to be dead.  I thought I’d lost you.”
“Phood,” repeated Martin who suddenly leaned in fast on his ex and bit and tore at her throat, ripping it open.   Dark red blood shot out everywhere from her throat  spraying the bar area as she fell to the floor lifeless.
“Jesus,” shouted Neil who picked up a pool cue from the table behind him.
The two workmen at the end of the bar just stared in horror.  The two lesbians just sat staring as they couldn’t get past Martin who had now started tearing strips of belly flesh from his ex and eating it greedily.  Blood running all over his hands and face and the pub floor.
Martin pulled out his ex’s long intestines and they hung from his mouth as he chewed them.   One of the pretty lesbian was sick at the sight.
The woman’s new boyfriend had sensibly turned tail and ran back out the door, into the street and into the front of an oncoming car which hit him and dragged him under the wheels.  The back wheel crushing his skull under the cars weight.

Back inside the pub the butch lesbian was going to make her move also and get past Martin who was crouched down eating his ex’s liver.  The sudden movement as she stood up to jump past him made the dead Martin act on instinct who swiftly grabbed her fat ankle and bite a large chunk of flesh from it.  She screamed in pain and with her other leg kicked him and jumped past, running out the pub leaving her lover  crouched in the corner of her seat.

It was at this point Martin saw the unconscious body of Phil laying on the floor and started to crawl over to his legs.
Luckily Neil was seeing what was going to happen and readied the pool cue.
“Sorry Martin,” he said loudly.
Zombie Martin looked up as Neil swung the pool cue with all his might at his head.  He flew backwards with the force and the pool cue stuck into the side of his skull as his eyeball popped out of the socket and rolled onto the floor covered in green eye gunk.
Martin landed next to the workman nearest to him and bit his leg.  The workman cried out.
“Mother fucker,” he shouted down at Martin then proceeded to stamp repeatedly onto his face and skull with his hard work boots smashing his skull to bits as blood and brains spattered everywhere over the pubs wooden floor.
It was at this point a beep of a car horn was heard outside.  Neil picked Phil’s slim, small frame from the floor and carried him through the side door to a waiting taxi.
“What’s happening here boss?” enquired the small and chubby asian taxi driver.

Neil laid Phil on the back seat of the taxi and hurried round the side of the pub onto the main road.  It was utter carnage.  What was left of Martin’s ex’s boyfriend laid under the rear wheel of a black Audi.  A lot of people stood around looking in shock.  Some were filming it on their phones as an emergency ambulance fast response car pulled up.
A few feet from the pub the butch lesbian was coughing up blood.
Time to go thought Neil.  Will have to drop Phil off at his flat he thought .  Neil would have took Phil back to his but didn’t want to be cleaning any sick up, plus his gerbils weren’t used to strangers in there.
Neil jogged back round to the taxi and gave the driver the instructions of where to go.

Phil woke groggily at the sound of his mobile ringing loudly.  A pounding, hangover headache hitting him instantly as he tried to open his eyes as he looked at the time on his mobile. Eight Thirty am.
Who’s ringing at this time he thought and answered the phone.
“Hello,” he answered hoarsely.
“Phil it’s Neil.  You alright.  You remember last night?”
“Not really,” replied Phil “Can you ring me at lunch?  I need to go back to sleep.”
“What!  You don’t remember Martin?” asked Neil.
“Of course, we buried him the other week,” answered Phil.
“No he was in the pub last night.  Don’t you remember.  He was some kind of zombie,”
“You watch too much sci-fi,” replied Phil.
“Martin ate out his ex on the pub floor!” exclaimed Neil.
“That’s nothing,” Phil retorted “ he once got barred for having sex with her on the pool table.”

Someone banging on Phil’s door moved him away from the conversation.  He went to the window and looked out.  The sunlight blinded his already sore eyes and he just saw an outline of a person stood at his door.
Luckily for Phil he failed to spot that it was the workman from the pub.  All pale skinned and blood on his hands and down his face.  A green wound on his left leg.
“What’s happening?” called Neil down the phone.
“Someone at the door,” replied Phil.
“Don’t answer it,” urged Neil.
“I’m not going to.  I think it’s a fucking Jehovah’s witness,” answered Phil.
“Phil listen,” started Neil.
“Neil will text you this afternoon,” Phil had cut him off. “I’ve still got some scratch card money so my treat.  We’ll drink till we’re dead.  See ya later.”
With that Phil turned his phone off and stumbled back into his bedroom.  He laid down on the bed and ignoring the noise of banging outside and screaming he fell back into a deep hangover sleep.

Monday, 2 July 2012

New Blood:Hebden Bridge Author Event

Hi Guys

Can't believe it's been over 2 weeks since I last blogged - how time flies - so scary! And I still haven't finished writing that short story for my mate Phil - although nearly there - the title for that is "Dead Drunk" - a debauched tale and Shawn of the Dead stylee comedy horror - lol
In the meantime have edited "Visiting Time" a gentle story of a son visiting his father who has alzheimers.

Well today I tried something different I went to the above Hebden Bridge New Author event with CWG (Cleckheaton Writers Group), Karen and Dawn and was pleasantly surprised.

It was an enjoyable talk from 5 new authors and quick Q &A at the end.  I have to admit none of the books were my genre - (Fantasy/Sci Fi/Horror/Action/Thriller) - but it was still good to hear how new authors went about their writing business and how they got published.  Although didn't really learn anything particlar new it was good to see and meet other writers. 
Shock, horror - I even bought a book - Peter Salmon's The Coffee Story - a comedy, drama set in Cuba and his reading of the book was quite lively.
Have to admit fancied the pants of Author Sophie Coulombeau who was there with her new novel Rites!
Gave the night 7 out of 10 - although would have given higher score if the woman who was working there didn't look so snooty - the CWG possie felt liked we were just in the way - although Peter as a charming guy and wish I had spoke to him sooner instead of leaving it until we were about to leave.

Karen kindly drove me home abandoning me in the wilds (joking Karen) whereby I had to make my way through a snail and slug minefield - never seen so many in my life - lol.

Will defo be going to more writers and author events in future - with that in mind - roll on Thursday PM when myself and the CWG crew head to Manchester to meet Mr Phillip Pullman of Dark Materials Trilogy - although never read any of his work will be a unique opportunity to meet and author of his standing (who writes fantasy).

Well until Thursday my faithful followers when I will be posting my review/thoughts on that.

Toodle Pip
Neil x